What is God’s approach? Or rather, what should be one’s approach to God?

Assumption:  I believe in a higher power and I think “God “is that higher power and for now, I would like to address God as “He” (purely for convenience purpose).

Assumption done, I can now safely ramble upon what I think of God’s approach towards dispensing with numerous applications that he might be getting every day or whenever he takes stock of them. We all remember God when we are in trouble or are needy or greedy for something – not to forget that some of us remember God when we have been transported out of a trouble or satisfied of greed or on an everyday or hourly basis as well! Considering the volume of incoming traffic, I am sure God must have devised umpteen strategies to attack the huge workload and deliver results though he must be grateful he does not need to go through mid year and end year appraisals – though who knows what happens in Heavens above !

As the wise ones say, he has strange ways and more often that not, he acts in a manner incomprehensible to mere mortals like us. So what that means is that sometimes his good work is tangible, many times it is totally invisible and we are left high and dry thinking that he is probably not in the mood to work or is upset with us and has decided not to help us this time. I was discussing this with a friend at work and it really made me wonder what approach is best for attracting the right sorts of attention from dear God.

From childhood we are taught that prayers are an infallible means of attracting divine attention. But then it’s not easy to pray, is it? I mean the sort of prayers that work. Otherwise, I do not understand why some of my prayers are not reaching him when I pray almost every now and then!

Paulo Coelho said in Alchemist (which sold millions of copies worldwide), “When you want something, the entire Universe conspires in helping you achieve it “. This means if you really want something with all your might, it will come to you.

Is God not part of this universe? Why then he does not conspire actively? Actually may be he is not. Hence, he works alone on his own and I need to figure out how to want and pray with all my might to make him bestow his attention on me.

In addition to spirituality, the religious pundits advocate various other means of reaching God. To my astonishment, I have been doing this too though I do not see myself as someone religiously following any one religion more than the other. But I do believe in what the elders and more wise souls say and also what my experience has taught me. So, I visit temples too when I feel like doing so and I must say, a visit to a temple or any other place of worship does give me peace of mind but then it still eludes the other purpose of putting me in touch with the God being represented by the idol in the temple .So, I think here again I am doing something wrong and need to figure out the right approach.

Leaving aside spirituality and religion, the more enlightened world of “karma believers “propagates “Nishkaam Karma” or “selfless action” as a way to reach closer to God. That is, do what you need to do but forget about reaping the benefits. How interesting but inhuman is that, I ask? Are we all not guided by results to work more and achieve more? Have we all not been taught that unless you do some work, you cannot expect the results !So when the concept of result vs. action is so heavily imbibed in our personalities right from childhood, how then suddenly it becomes less relevant while pursuing God ? I fail to understand but what I know is that for a long time now I have been doing what needs to be done, what seems right to me at that point in time and what my conscience allows me to do. Beyond that, I really have no way of judging whether my karma is right or not.                                                                                                                                                     

I am a mere human being… what else can I do? Got to find that out and in this lifetime hopefully!!

It’s time again ...for blowing my own trumpet and getting busted!

It’s the month of June and we are already six months into the current year. While this is not an earth shattering revelation, it does have serious repercussions on my precariously balanced mental peace. It is time for half yearly appraisals at work... What’s the big deal, the uninitiated may ask? But the experienced ones, I believe, would understand and empathise.

To add to the whole rigmarole of feedback and ratings, THE MANAGER has come up with a fancy self appraisal document titled “Inter Ranking Template “.The document not only requires one to size themselves up against their objectives but also to quantify their assessment of self in terms of “Ratings” – all of which is nothing new -except for the threatening undertones in the document under the name of “Forced Rating” ..makes it sound like a trial in a court of law where one is expected to provide evidence to support their testimony and in case of failure, be ready to accept a judgement that would be taken by a competent jury and be forced down one’s gullet.

As frustrating as the whole process of classifying six months’ worth of work into “ met expectations “ or “ exceeded expectations “ category is , there is something to be said about the opportunity it offers in terms of unabashed self aggrandizement. This is one of the bi-annual occasions where one gets to go on a glorious ego trip counting one’s achievements and hard work and the boss actually listens …or well, the boss actually pretends to listen! Ironically though, this is an exercise in futility as the boss has already made up his mind either on his own or succumbing to the “higher influences” or statistical pressures of curve-fitting et al.Despite this, elaborate forms are required to be filled in, discussions are held, good work is recognised ( by asking you to do better next time as you have already achieved “ good” ) and “not so good”  work is held against you for justifying boss’s “mental make-up”  . And in the event of your failure to produce acceptable evidence for your good work, “not so good” work prevails and dominates the course of discussion!

Having to go through this necessary evil is one of the bane of one’s corporate existence. Even after spending 8.5 continuous years wading through these waters, I still get flustered and keep postponing above mentioned event till the day of reckoning arrives! And it seems, for this year, the day has arrived and I must tackle the monster head on now. So, off I go to blow my own trumpet and oblige the universe with my filled in “Inter Ranking Template “!!

The Joy of Gifting!

Today over lunch, I happened to remark very casually that the way new born babies are raining around me these days, I am already tired …and proceeded to add, of giving gifts! To this, a colleague cum friend responded by asking me why I give gifts. And I don’t think I thought for a second before replying “Because I like to “.

And now when I am thinking about it, I really do like to give gifts. Any occasion, be it a birthday or an anniversary, a colleague’s farewell or a house warming party or sometimes, without any traditionally pertinent occasion such as my flatmate’s recent promotion. I really look forward to the opportunity or excuse for being able to give a gift to those who matter to me. The thought of a friend’s or family member’s birthday approaching near manages to incite an excitement in me even if the concerned person is sitting thousands of miles away .My mind starts planning and plotting for a surprise party or a surprise gift , well in advance. I am not always able to materialise my plans but I try to the best of my ability and keep trying till I get a clear signal that it would probably not work out this time.

I like to spend time thinking about the people in my life , what they would like , how I can make them happy and feel special on special occasions or otherwise .Now there may be hundred different ways of doing this but I think a gift chosen carefully is an expression of all these emotions wrapped up together. And this is one small but powerful way which goes a long way in telling the recipient that they are special and deserve the time and attention they have been given! And I know this because I get truly thrilled if I receive a gift J

The flip side to all this is that sometimes it bothers me if I am not able to choose that right gift that would express my emotions correctly. I have realised that this is just an expectation that I have from myself and does not really bother others. So, I am trying to ignore this and recognise that even though people love and appreciate gifts given to them , “gifting” is the giver’s joy and there are no obligations attached to it…..at least not in the current world where people are so busy in their lives they rarely bother to evaluate and judge others’ actions. This is a comforting realisation though I still like to rake my head and think through what I gift others and if for some reason, I am not satisfied, my joy does get marred a bit! But it’s like a tiny speck which I think I can ignore.

No Judgment or No opinion?

Ever since I gained some sense in life , I have been wondering if there is anything in the world that I have seen so far , which I like or dislike strongly.That is , strong enough to say “ I can die for  “ or “ I hate” ! And I will leave ethereal things like chocolates out of this.

Quite often when I am sitting with a group of friends and we are discussing the finer nuances of life, people do come up with one or the other thing that they have very fixed opinions on and are able to slot them in their Like/Dislike zone. However, I find myself unable to do so and more so in the last few years. I am always rationalising why I should like or dislike a thing or person or attitude or whatever to such an extent that I become rigid about it and am not able to recognise or acknowledge if and when my opinions change about that. Many times I have had friends or family come up to me and say that they find it difficult to believe that even after spending more than three decades on this earth,

I do not have clarity of this sort in my mind. I beg to differ from them ..mostly.

The more I think about it, the more I realise that I do have an opinion about all things material to me but may be I do not have any judgement on them. I like to believe that with growing experience in life, I am becoming less of a judgemental person and I am quite liking this aspect of my personality .I am not trying to say that people who have strong opinions or judgements on some things in life are lesser evolved or not “my types” but I do believe that this sort of attitude does not cut much ice with me. I really am not keen to judge the wholeness of anything or anyone on the basis of few experiences that I may have had.

However, there have been things happening at work and otherwise in the last few days that have prompted me to think hard. I have realised that there are certain attitudinal traits in people which really manage to get my goat. I may find something else which is good about them and hence, not slot them as being of a certain type or category BUT specific things do trouble me greatly!

And for my own benefit, just so that I am reminded every time I am guilty of something like this, I would like to list them down here and visit this page whenever I am in a doubt!

1. I do not understand why people are not straightforward in expressing their feelings even in close relationships. If they like or dislike someone or something or feel certain things about others are coming in the way of their relationship with them, why can they not say it out openly and directly to them. They talk about it to common friends, vent it out in the form of sarcasm, try to give hints, create and maintain distance but would just not take that one step of confronting the person concerned directly!
Troubles me really..I am not myself 100% there but am trying really hard to.

2. Irresponsibility to me seems like insensitivity. I really cannot bring myself to respect anyone who shirks responsibility when it is so staring in their face. I mean how can people adopt an attitude where they pretend nothing exists when actually the whole world around is on fire and the chief pretext they use is that the risk of damage due to not owning up is not theirs!

For some reason, I am meeting a lot of people with this attitude at my current job and this is one of the reasons, I feel I am so done up with this job! I need a change, seriously.  

3. People crib. I do too and am perfectly fine with cribbing. Once in a while, the vagaries of life do get on to my nerves and I make full use of a sympathetic shoulder, if I get one! Really do not see anything wrong in this..So obviously, do not understand when people say “Don’t crib. Just do something about it.” .I want to tell such people that if I could, I would have – without them sermonizing me about it.

4. Life has its own unique ways of teaching us. Sometimes, its experience and sometimes the lack of it. In either situation, we get an opportunity to pick up a lesson or two in lifeskills.So evidently, it troubles me if some people around me do not seem to have learnt anything over the years.

 I am not trying to say that I am a highly enlightened person but with every experience in life, I am trying to grow as a person, learning to leave the trivialities of existence behind and try to see the bigger picture in life.Ofcourse, this is a never ending process and I am just a novice here but I do see a change in myself and I appreciate that.

This is not all.. there is lot more but I think I will just be loosely opinionated about them and not try to form a judgement ..well not yet at least!

The “lovely & mighty”carrom board!

I grew up in a house full of siblings and sundry cousins, some staying with us and some coming over for visits. Needless to say, much chaos happened during summer vacations and it was a mammoth task for all sets of parents to ensure that the kids are occupied “constructively “ and generally, kept out of the way of adults. This would often result in them buying us books, board games, taking us out on trips, enrolling us for classes, organising play dates & picnics and a whole lot of other activities including forced “afternoon naps”.

As time passed by, the mode of entertainment and the ways one would keep oneself busy during summer vacations, changed.All of us discovered what we liked to do and what we would not do even if bribed to do! As a result, adults no longer had to intervene and we were conveniently on our own. So, while my sister found her calling in the “artsy” things, my brother discovered that he would rather be out of the house than be caught interacting with the other kids in the house – after all, it would be such a shame for him to be caught doing that if his friends dropped over suddenly!

Some of my cousins, who were my age, would visit us during summer vacations and we would do the usual things that kids do – play hide &seek, read comics, go out for walks in the park, fight with each other, watch TV, play board games like monopoly, ludo and the likes.However, much to my dismay, I discovered that I had a similar amount of liking and disliking for everything that I did. So, while I enjoyed reading , I would get bored if I had to do that for more than 20 minutes.Similarly,while I loved to play board games, I would obviously lose interest if I was not able to win. TV held little attraction for me ( even as a kid) and being one of the youngest of the lot, I could not even indulge in and spend time fighting with elder siblings as they would invariably have an upper hand .

I was, therefore, a source of concern for my parents who had to keep thinking of new ways to keep me entertained and occupied. However, one fine day, God decided to settle their dilemma forever. I discovered an old forgotten carrom board lying somewhere and after lot of cajoling and convincing and crying and tantrum-throwing, I managed to pursue my brother to teach me how to play carrom.That was it! Not only I, the entire brat pack got hooked on to it from that day onwards. We would play carrom for whole days and nights and not bother parents with any demands except for never-ending supplies of Boric acid.

Soon, the adult population also got engulfed by carrom fever and I think, the simple yet interesting game of carrom became a much loved daily ritual in my home .Much family bonding happened over endless game sessions and brought lots of fun, togetherness, laughter and joy to all. This went on for a couple of years before other things took over and left one with practically no time to indulge in such simple pleasures in life.

Cut to present, some of my team members in office organised a carrom competition in the team. And after playing a couple of matches, I can see that the power of this simple board game has not diminished any bit over the years. It still brings the same joy, laughter and fun to all as it did in childhood. Team members ,who would otherwise, not bother to look at each other, were suddenly found campaigning for and colluding with each other, if paired together as partners .The whole team experienced a new sense of camaraderie and bonding over the matches spread over a week or so – something unparalleled in its achievement when compared to the fancy “team building “exercises that one hears of these days.!Really, who needs those complex outdoor icebreakers and trainings and offsite meetings to build a strong bonding between the team members when the mighty carrom board is there!

Recession in my mind!

The whole wide world has been talking of a recession for as long as I remember. Inevitable as it is, my mind has also caught the bug and of late, I am getting a feeling that it is receding back to a stage from where there seems to be no coming forward.

When I say recession in my mind, I do not want to say that it is growing backwards in any sense and I am turning into a conservative, old fashioned personality. I am turning quite contrary to that, even if I say so myself.

 

What is actually happening is that the way life has been unfolding itself and the way I have been killing time over the last few years, I feel my mind is so resigned to it that it has lost any capability to think of and plan for a future. Any sane minded and progressive thinking person usually has a couple of dreams that he or she wants to be fulfilled in the near or far future, a couple of aspirations to be achieved and a lot of goals for the life ahead. For example, some think of getting married and settled, some crave for kids and yet some, long for a flourishing career. My mind, on the other hand, refuses to collaborate with my heart and do any forward thinking. As a result, I have no dreams at present, no plans imminent or otherwise and not even any long term goals. There is nothing that I can say with absolute certainty, which I crave for or want to work hard to achieve. There are not even short term goals like a career progression or an investment option that my mind can think of.

I term this recessionary because it was not always like this. There was a time when I would think ahead of time and my mind would calculate ways of growing my life further. I, like all others around me, would have a laundry list ready before each and every stage in life. So, when I was a young kid, I dreamt of excelling in academics. When I grew up, I wanted to get myself a professional qualification and join the corporate world. All was fine till then and I achieved what I set out for, though not quite the same way as I imagined myself to but no major gripe there! However, then I dreamt of the next so-called logical progression to a happy married life and that was probably the last time till now , that I asked for something with all my might and determination.My dreams gone totally awry from  there, I have started living life on a spur of the moment basis. I plan for nothing and usually let things take their own course and any disappointment usually lasts for a day or two and not beyond because probably, I am not really thinking of getting anything so there is less unhappiness when I find things not happening my way. That is not to say that I have achieved a Zen state in life where I no longer ask for or crib about anything but yes, when I don’t get what I asked for or cried after, I do not sulk and mope around beyond a day or two as my mind has conditioned itself to think that I am not supposed to dream of or plan for things as all plans fall flat before a bigger power’s plan for our lives. So, I should better be content with and learn to appreciate what I get on its own in the course of life. Spontaneity seems to be my new mantra in life!

They say economic recession is a cyclical process and every such period is followed by another period of growth and progress where optimism and desire to grow sweeps the economy. I hope such is the case for the recession in my mind and thought process as well. Again, I am not asking for it as I believe it may or may not come true but I am just hoping that someday some luck /serendipity would fall on me and transform my thought process and make my mind a normal forward thinking one that would listen to my heart’s desires and guide me to an action plan .n life!

Few reasons why I hate Monday( in no particular order).

1. Saturday and Sunday, by virtue of being weekend days, are good days. Monday follows Sunday and naturally, is not welcome to show its face.
2.The whole world, it seems, enjoys the weekend & hates Monday….Its not just me. The whole world, it seems, takes the frustration out in the form of errant driving and road rage .What this means is unexplainable traffic jams and equally unexplainable human behaviour if you happen to deal with one while driving to work on Monday morning.
3.My boss & colleagues at work are not untouched by all these Monday blues . Hence, they all come to office with a sullen face. Very rarely, do I see people beaming with happiness because they have got the chance to come to work after two full days. The customary greetings and smiles are exchanged but it seems, they are thrown more in an attempt to motivate oneself to have a good (or at least normal) morning and less to actually wish the other person.
4.There is trouble brewing in the kitchen as well. The office chef, after all, is equally human and hates to put together Monday menu. As expected, the food is usually boring and unpalatable.
5.I believe in God and for quite some time now, have been making this futile attempt of making God hear me and believe in me. I do this in a lot of subtle ways that are not worth mentioning here. But, the most explicit attempt is made by observing a FAST on Monday and choosing to eat only one complete meal in the day. Needless to say, before the day ends, I feel deprived as I miss bingeing on mid-morning and evening snacks .Even 4 above does not help me feel not so deprived.
6.Friday is usually the best day of the work week. Which means, a lot of work gets shelved off to be taken care of on the next working day – which happens to be Monday ! So Monday brings with it not only its own worries but also the ones which belonged to Friday -unanswered emails, postponed conference calls, pending documentation and what not.
7.Monday leads to Tuesday, which brings with it the realisation that the new week has indeed arrived and is here to stay and that pending workload needs to be attacked before it spills over to the next Monday.
8.Last but not the least, Monday is exactly 5 days away from the day when I would be able to sleep in till late and have a leisurely stroll in the warm winter sunshine that we have very few days left of in this year.
...What an irony ..Despite being a harbinger for the next weekend, Monday is still the most dreaded day of the week for me.

The love of my life!

Research proves it and people all over the world vouch for it – there is something about the mighty Chocolate that makes people fall head over heels in love. And, I am proud to record here that I love it with every fibre of my being

When I was a young kid and this love story was in its nascent stages, I used to keep looking for ways of extracting money from my parents so that I could run to the nearby shop and put the money to chocolaty use. I had many cousins who were partners in crime and together, we would always manage to squeeze in a bar or two of 5-star almost every day. Life was heavenly, I say.

As I grew up a bit and money started flowing regularly in the form of monthly allowance, my love for chocolate grew manifold and it also became easy to express the feelings. To my horror, my cousins who used to stay in the same house, also got love struck in a similar fashion .And now that we had all grown up and become more aware of our rights, the camaraderie and sharing spirit of kiddo days was gone and chocolates stored in the fridge became a big reason for sibling rivalry. Parents tried to discipline, other elders tried to solve disputes amicably, family doctors tried to enlighten on the evil effects of the object of our affection but nothing could succeed in weaning me away.

School days over, I entered college and monthly allowance gained unexplainable proportions due to the endless demands of commuting, text books, clothes (parents understood the peer pressure) and all other necessities of a young college going girl. So, money supply ceased to be a consideration in buying the choicest of chocolates. In addition, that was also the era of software boom and sundry cousins and uncles and aunts travelling abroad in the name of providing those Americans and English, the much needed IT help. Needless to say, it was an unwritten rule for them to get back some of the “firangi maal” to impress those who were still living in the Neanderthal age in their own small town jungles. The love flourished and matured to embrace the exotic and the dark varieties that were hitherto inaccessible. It was a heaven on earth and a bigger and better one this time.

College and studies over, I joined the yuppie bandwagon of the earning professionals and nothing could come between me and my love now. By this time, parents had given up, cousins had found their own love in life, family doctors were no longer part of family and the empirical world also, it seems, was conspiring with the universe to create a whole new loveosphere for the lovely choc-O-late. Americans researched and found that it has got immense curative properties – good for warding off depression, better than aspirin for headache and works like wonder on heartache !Voila, suddenly my love got the redemption that it had been seeking all these years . The work trips abroad , own and those of colleagues, ensured the supply never ceases and taste buds keep getting developed to absorb more and more of the gooey sticky stuff which also came in finer versions that were less gooey and less sticky but equally sinful.

Cut to the present day, I got bitten by the cooking and baking bug and I discovered that I can be more self reliant now in my lovemaking. Life was never so easy …Got a sudden craving and the refrigerator seems to have none. No problem! Mix sugar, milk, cocoa and dish up my own stuff.

Now, my time is ticking and teeth are decaying, knees are wobbling and flab is sickening .However, the love for chocolate, I must say, is never ending and ever increasing!!

Where are you?

I woke up this morning rather dull and disoriented. It took me a couple of minutes of logical reasoning and fighting inner demons to drag myself out of bed .I think the whole night I did not sleep well and kept thinking on the lines of my purpose in this life and why God sent me on this earth, which are good lines of thought for occasional introspection but not so welcome when one is struggling with impending deadlines at work and need a good night’s sleep to be able to attack work with fresh vigour the next day.

These thoughts (or may be dreams, I am not sure!) kept me almost awake the whole night and I think it was only in the wee hours of morning that I managed to catch a wink. And then soon enough, it was time for cleaning and cooking maids and car cleaners to start pouring in and I had to get up to let them in. I made myself a hot cuppa of chai, which in normal circumstances, is enough to pep me up but today even that failed to work any magic. I tried to read the “What’s Hot” section of the newspaper to get some mojo back but it seemed in this winter, nothing is hot enough!
I finally gave up trying to feel good and convinced myself to work on an auto pilot mode – do what needs to be done.

So, I got ready for work, gulped down some breakfast and then drove like a maniac to reach office in time to be able to say that I did not take the first half off! I hoped fervently that the routine of office and scheduled meetings would put me back on track and I would be able to complete my work for the day. But nothing works as expected when the powers above conspire to not let it work. And so it happened that one by one, all the scheduled meetings got cancelled and I am now struggling with lot of unplanned time and plenty of work to finish. Not a good combination on a day when I am just not inspired to live, let alone work! Add to that, a “missing Boss” and “weekend mode “and it just gets as difficult as it could.

I hope, before the day finishes, I get a good enough reason or motivation to finish off my assignments for the day or else, I would spend my entire weekend moping under the guilt of missed deadlines and feeling miserable in general. And a weekend ill spent does not really spell well for the coming week .So, dear Goddess of Inspiration/Motivation, please be kind and don’t leave me in a lurch like this!

**Inspiration, inspiration ....where are you? Come back honey, I need you!**

The couple in the train !

Train journeys have always fascinated me. Not so much for the comfort over road journeys as for the opportunity they offer in terms of uninterrupted time for doing some of my favourite things like reading a book and occasional people watching! I love observing my co-passengers in the train though I must say , I’d much rather nobody observe me .But I think the trick lies in just observing very, very discreetly ,without making it too obvious. Which is something which I have mastered over the years, thanks to the umpteen train journeys, albeit short ones.

So, last weekend I happened to be on the train home and even though it was just a 2 hour long journey, I was fully equipped with my book and my snack pack and butterflies in my stomach. Strange as it sounds, I always have those butterflies fluttering whenever I am excited about anything, be it something as plain and simple as a train journey that I must have undertaken at least 100 times till date. I had a reservation for one of the side berths in an AC 3 tier sleeper coach. I went and sat quietly in one corner of the lower berth and adjusted my belongings as best as I could(read: plopped up my duffel bag against the seat back so that I could rest my head and read my book until I get anything more interesting to engage myself with! ).

Soon, the train started chugging along but my seatmates were nowhere to be seen. I was slightly disappointed but then happy also at the prospect of being able to spread myself on the entire seat and read my book which I had been reading for the last two months (gasp!) and it was only then that it had reached an interesting point. But, alas, happiness was short lived!

Very soon, I was joined by a young couple and together they occupied a greater part of the berth and just like I had, adjusted their luggage here, there and everywhere. I could see from the way the girl was dressed that the couple was a newly married one. I was a little disappointed to be sharing my seat with two people who were in some way, one! I have nothing against couples travelling in trains but if I have to share a seat with them, I get a little uneasy as the dynamics and display of coupledom sometimes become so prominent and loud that they create a difficult situation for others around.Hence, I thought it best to bury myself in my book in this particular train journey.

But it seems the book was not interesting enough! As it often happens when we are with a group of people, this couple also tended to act as if they were in some sort of a quasi-private setting that gave them freedom to act and speak the way they wanted .They soon engaged themselves in their own conversation, totally oblivious of the people around them. Not to say that it was a bad thing to do but just to mention that the conversation soon became so loud that I could not help overhearing.And before I knew it, I found myself enjoying it too! They seemed to be talking about planning their future together. I tried my best to tear myself away from them but such was the power and freshness of their dreams for a happy future, that I got drawn into it more and more.

They spoke of their individual & collective dreams, their expectations from each other, how they thought marriage would change their lives, what adjustments they would need to make and how they would work towards making it a success for both of them. At one point, the girl expressed her desire to go on regular short vacations as she felt such breaks from routine would help strengthen their bond but the guy expressed his inability to take frequent leave from office, especially because it was a new job and he wanted to work hard to earn more for both of them. The girl, at first, could not understand his view point and this resulted in them bickering about it but soon they realised the futility of it and came to a conclusion to cross the bridge when they came to it. Then again, I heard them arguing over something and forgetting about it soon and entering into an agreement that whenever both of them are angry and fighting, one of them would make an explicit effort to end the argument even if they have not reached a solution.

Their conflict resolution logic seemed to be perfect, though slightly straight out of some “marriage counselling book “.It made me wonder at their sweet innocence, the faith they had in their bond at that point in time and how they trusted life to bring nothing that they would not be able to manage with love and patience for each other. Like all others at the beginning of a new journey, they seemed to be fully prepared to tackle it and enjoy it too and really did not have a plan for any contingency. Not even the alarmingly increasing divorce statistics in the country seemed to have had any power to arise any apprehensions in their minds as to the future of their marriage.


I must say I thoroughly enjoyed overhearing the bits of conversation from the couple in the train and it was one train journey which I will always remember for the power and magic of dreams that it reinforced. And also the fact that if one finds someone to share these dreams in the journey of life, the power becomes almost invincible!

Not getting time for blogging !
Why does it always happen like this ?Whenever I decide to take up a personal goal or pursue something ( even if it is a few minutes of writing) , I get swamped with work so much so that I am working even after I am back home from office.

Anyways..this has to change .I have decided I will not have a lopsided existence and will make time to do everything that I want to do at any point of time.So yes, better time management it will be ! Also,I will probably provide for this in my work estimates and project plans :-)).

But right now its time to catch the ever elusive sound sleep.So , I will now switch off my laptop and try to get some shut-eye.

Hope tomorrow is a better day - which means, amongst other things , a bright and sunny morning, less traffic on the highway and a happy frame of mind(elusive again..I know!).

Continue to Live!

Just received an email from the social club at my work place and this triggered my over active mind into a thought process of its own. Republic Day is around the corner and they want people to dress up in white, orange and saffron and be creative in the way they mix and match the tricolours. The idea is to have some fun in addition to generally celebrating and remembering all that the day signifies (well, the email says that!). While I found myself neutral to the latter part of the idea, the former did manage to incite some excitement in me .But I think, that is simply because I am a girl and like most of the girls, the thought of anything and everything to do with clothes excite some part of my heart ! Also, I get to shop if I decide to play along in this. I don’t think my work wardrobe is stocked up in colours of orange and saffron.

However, despite this shopping bait and despite the excitement shown by some of my colleagues, I find myself being indifferent to all celebrations of these kinds which require me to get out of my comfort zone and go that extra mile to be a part of the revelry going around me . What is more difficult to understand is that while I am usually the first one to demand a party when there is a reason or even when there is none , I often find myself saying no to a lot of other opportunities to enjoy and have fun. I will happily accept a lunch or dinner invite that comes along my way but will shy away from most of the late night partying. I will tag along happily with my friends, who are parents ,to their kid’s school parties or just go to a park to entertain their babies but I would be found looking for excuses to refuse an invite to a friend’s or relative’s wedding ceremony .

If I look back, I used to be always and I mean, ALWAYS, excited by any prospect of fun, laughter and generally, out of routine activities. However, with passage of time ( to put it euphemistically…actually it’s the growing age ! ) , I think I am becoming very rigid in terms of what I call “ partying” or “ having a good time “.For example, while I was never one to enjoy the company of very loud people, I would ,earlier, still manage to enjoy a dance party or a “who cares about the neighbours “ sort of a party . However, these days, I get irritated even if someone around me is playing loud music and getting his or her share of fun out of it. I would immediately judge that person as someone unsympathetic to the surroundings .Yes, I know that is a little too harsh to label someone with but then, that is how I have become. And I do not really like this aspect of mine but then, I am not too sure if I dislike it either! I have become much more sensitive and judgemental in some ways than before though I find myself getting more and more liberation of mind in some other ways.

Life has been through lots of ups and downs in the last few years but I have tried very hard to not let my spirit die and maintain a positive outlook. However, it seems, every “big” experience in life, be it good or bad, has left its impact on me and has changed me in one way or the other. Sometimes, the change is very visible and sometimes, it is so subtle that I would often refuse to acknowledge it even if the signs are all there. Also, I believe, it has been a great learning experience and I am thankful for certain ways in which I think I have grown as a person from what I was few years back. However, one thing that I never wanted to lose and still strive hard to retain is the ability to enjoy life and celebrate whenever it offers a chance to do so and also to be able to continue dreaming of bigger and better future .In short, continue to live and not just drag my existence around me!

So, will I do something special to join the fun tomorrow? Yes, I think so! I may not be 100% alive but am not fully dead yet.:-))

Soup, Salad, Walk and Exercise!

Today, I want to write here about one of the many “beauty enhancing” resolutions that I took at the beginning of this year.Technically; this is not a New Year resolution as I find myself committing to and dishonouring this one every few days. However, the first month of a new year was just another occasion to bring to fore all that I need to do and must do as per my wishlist for this year.

To spell it out, I had, in all earnestness, promised myself that I’d shed a few kilos from what I consider extra flab attached to my body. My goal was pretty realistic and I was pretty sure that I would be able to achieve it in a month or two’s time. And just so that I am more convinced to do this, I had made myself believe that it is not just external beauty that I am bothered about but this has also to do with testing my determination, removing clutter (be it in whatever form), being more disciplined in my eating habits and exercising rituals and generally, be more beautiful-inside out!!

In order to achieve this seemingly easy goal, I had carved out a very simple and doable action plan that I hoped to enjoy as well. I decided to use a combination of healthy eating and trendy exercising. So, off I went to the nearest mall and got myself a fancy “soup & salad” recipe booklet and also invested a couple of thousands in some smart sportswear and cool walking shoes. I had vowed to have soups & salads for dinner at least thrice a week and let go of the post dinner sweet indulgence. In addition to that, I had set myself a schedule of 5 rounds of evening brisk walk around my apartment complex , whenever I found time to do so ,followed by few minutes of “tummy tucking” exercises to the tune of matching music . It is a different thing that I am yet to find out what does “matching music” means in context of exercising!

So that was the action plan. Now for the results .Well, I must admit to myself that I was more tenacious than ever in sticking to my resolution. For the first few evenings of the year, I dressed up ,as is worthy of a fitness freak, and went for my walks regularly , despite the chilling winds and killer weather that threatened to parch and tear my face and pierce my soul! I even managed to drag myself out of bed early enough to squeeze in 15 minutes of exercises in my otherwise lazy routine .On the food front, I managed two soup recipes and two exotic salads on two different days (note: the emphasis here is on cooking and not dieting) and had them for dinner…only to be followed by late night snacking on sweets as I felt deprived of food and found myself unable to sleep in that pitiable situation.

As days passed by and we entered the second week of the year, I found my defences succumbing , my laziness calling and my taste buds craving for all that they were used to.
This triggered a process of analytical thinking and introspection and I thought to myself that there is no point to all this dieting and exercising if I am not happy about it from inside the depths of my heart. Of course, this was a very comforting realisation and I happily decided to get back to “ I don’t give a damn “ attitude to diets and figure and beauty et al .So the second week saw me making up for what I thought I had lost on in the first week of the year. I happily slept in till late, had “bed teas” and “bed breakfasts (that’s a creative term I think)” and binged on foods of the likes of cakes and chocolates and mithais and fries.

Come the third week of the year and I found myself restarting my blog in the form of a resolution. And I think Someone Up There Likes Me and wanted me to get back on track and re-resolve for the year. Thus, I got reminded of the “beauty enhancing “resolution and am glad to record here that yesterday, I had a healthy dinner and today I had my 15 mins of exercise and also …holding my own breath…managed to say No to a piece of some amazingly yummy looking chocolate cake .Small though this beginning is, I hope it leads to bigger things as I mentioned somewhere earlier in this blog. Also, I pray that never again should I be made to refuse chocolate in this life!!

P.S : Edited to Add : A friend just read this post and reminded me of something else that is umbilical to this beauty resolution. And so committed I was to that , that I forgot about it even in a blog post !! Well, I am referring to " Drinking minimum 6-8 glasses of water per day " . My current average is 3-4.

Drive or not ?

I drive myself to office every day and it takes me around 30-35 minutes to cover a stretch of 15 kms. There are two routes that I can take – one, the old city road and two, the swanky highway. Every morning, before I start, I make my choice depending upon the traffic prediction, the weather condition and my mood in general.

Irrespective of the route that I take, I love this daily routine and sometimes it seems like the most enjoyable part of my otherwise mundane days. The thrill of driving, the feeling of being in control, the variety of music available thanks to the umpteen radio channels and the constant nonsensical chatting of the RJs , all add up to create that magical feeling that makes me look forward to getting up and getting ready for the work day ahead. I look up to the drive so much so that quite often I find myself thinking in my mind as to what songs I would play in the car the next day.Add to that , the freedom from daily saga of fighting (or coordinating as they say) with the sometimes extra-helpful and sometimes extra- irritating cabmates , really make me thankful for having the luxury of driving myself to work.

However, all is not as rosy as I just made it sound .There is a horrific side of this driving rigmarole and despite the above pleasures, I would actually be a fool to try selling driving on NCR roads to any sane minded person J.And in case you are wondering, I am referring to the mind-boggling, nerve- wracking, eye-popping NCR traffic and related human behaviour! Anyone who has ever driven on these roads would tell you that you have to have a really strong heart and a really cool head to brave through this traffic without swearing to leave the country and flee to Jupiter at the end of your trip. My boss does that every second day and reinforces my belief in the fact that I am perhaps, stronger and cooler than him J .And yes, if you are the type who has so far managed a expletive-free existence, be assured you would do well to by-heart the choicest ones in Hindi and Punjabi!The errant drivers(including yourself) and the innocent(not) pedestrians coupled with the potholed roads, all conjure up well to put a huge dent in what could otherwise be called a heavenly experience as I described above .

I don’t know how long I will be able to put the negatives behind and enjoy my early morning drive to office but I am sure the day I decide to chuck my car and take the office cab , my days would feel incomplete and I would be looking for getting that zing back in my life !

True Blogger!

Someone has rightly said “Inspiration lies in the smallest of things “. Today again, something like a very casual statement made its mark and inspired me to do something that was lying somewhere in the deepest recesses of my mind. The India head of the company that I work for, writes a blog and his entry for the day mentioned something like “A true blogger is one who never lets the blog die! “. Believe it or not, this was it! It rung a bell somewhere and I found myself resolving to revive my blog which, till date, has two entries to boast of and which was started in the year of 2007!

Starting to blog seriously is not just as simple as it sounds. And I am not even referring to the technicalities of being a good writer. For me, it is so much more than just putting words to paper. And how, dear reader, is that? Well, to put it plainly, I believe, I am a dreamer and a procrastinator, all at the same time. So, while I can spend endless hours imagining myself to be doing something or achieving something or being something, I would actually do very little to do just that. I would sit and brood on it for so long that it would rot my mind and make further action unachievable!

Of late, this particular aspect of my personality has hit me hard like never before and I have been thinking a lot as to how I can change this perception that I have of myself. Add to that, a lot of free time at my hands due to a relaxed work situation and a constant realisation to have that one hobby that I don’t just write about in the “Hobbies “ section of “ Who am I “ but that I actually indulge in and get a pleasure from !

Now while I crave for and dream of dancing like the Terpsichore herself, I do realise that I was born with two left feet .So, I will be realistic and do the other things that I really like and am able to do and reading and writing are two of those things. I have been a fairly good reader but I have never put my mind and energy into writing. I don’t know if I am good at it or not and frankly, I don’t care either. I have realised that I really enjoy playing with words and putting them to paper and hence, this is what I am going to nurture further.

Last but not the least, I think it will be a manifestation of the outcome of endless self analysis sessions that usually go on in my head and a reinforcement of belief in myself that I think I have lost somewhere as life unfolded itself to me.

P.S : Just realised I am so late & new on the scene , I have probably got zero readership but then, I have friends and what are they for if not forceful reading of my blogs !!

I have proved myself yet again !!

My blog has already met the same fate as the hundreds of diaries that
i have attempted to keep .......

FINALLY ........

First things first ….I congratulate myself for putting up my first post on my blog , the foundation for which was laid few months back ..

I had been thinking of doing this for a long time but never could make myself do it ..not because I have nothing to write or share , not because I cannot put my thoughts into words ,not because I am lazy and certainly not because I have not been getting time to do it …….…

BUT BUT BUT ….. because all this while I was wondering who is going to read all that I write ….

And also cos almost every internet savvy person I know has a blog of his or her own…..So I thought its probably too clichéd now .

But today I am getting bored in office and nobody is ready to spare time for me ..and then it occurred to me !! I can put my thoughts ( or crap ! or whatever !!) into writing and this way I won’t have to look for anybody to share them .. I mean I am still sharing them but am not forcing anybody to listen to me …most people have anyways stopped falling into that trap !

So it really does not matter if anybody reads or not ..By writing them , i would have put my thoughts into a more rational and easy to remember form !

And also whenever anything major/minor happens with me or in my life , I will record it here ( remember ! written form of communication is always better than oral !! )

But I just hope that this blog does not meet the same fate as the hundreds of diaries I have attempted to keep ….May God give me everlasting strength to utilize my ‘office time’ in a more creative and productive way !

By the way , boss just passed by my desk and to my surprise , did not cast his distinctive ‘glance’ on my screen …probably he thought I am busy writing some ‘interesting’ official document …So that’s one more advantage I can think of ..I can type my posts in a word doc and give the boss an impression that I am busy writing those lengthy status reports ( for actual SRs , I have become an expert in Ctrl C/V ..so I can manage that !)

So for all the above reasons and many more which I could not put here in writing ( I am not a seasoned blogger you see …have just started !) ….here I come …on share-my-thoughts.blogspot.com