Continue to Live!

Just received an email from the social club at my work place and this triggered my over active mind into a thought process of its own. Republic Day is around the corner and they want people to dress up in white, orange and saffron and be creative in the way they mix and match the tricolours. The idea is to have some fun in addition to generally celebrating and remembering all that the day signifies (well, the email says that!). While I found myself neutral to the latter part of the idea, the former did manage to incite some excitement in me .But I think, that is simply because I am a girl and like most of the girls, the thought of anything and everything to do with clothes excite some part of my heart ! Also, I get to shop if I decide to play along in this. I don’t think my work wardrobe is stocked up in colours of orange and saffron.

However, despite this shopping bait and despite the excitement shown by some of my colleagues, I find myself being indifferent to all celebrations of these kinds which require me to get out of my comfort zone and go that extra mile to be a part of the revelry going around me . What is more difficult to understand is that while I am usually the first one to demand a party when there is a reason or even when there is none , I often find myself saying no to a lot of other opportunities to enjoy and have fun. I will happily accept a lunch or dinner invite that comes along my way but will shy away from most of the late night partying. I will tag along happily with my friends, who are parents ,to their kid’s school parties or just go to a park to entertain their babies but I would be found looking for excuses to refuse an invite to a friend’s or relative’s wedding ceremony .

If I look back, I used to be always and I mean, ALWAYS, excited by any prospect of fun, laughter and generally, out of routine activities. However, with passage of time ( to put it euphemistically…actually it’s the growing age ! ) , I think I am becoming very rigid in terms of what I call “ partying” or “ having a good time “.For example, while I was never one to enjoy the company of very loud people, I would ,earlier, still manage to enjoy a dance party or a “who cares about the neighbours “ sort of a party . However, these days, I get irritated even if someone around me is playing loud music and getting his or her share of fun out of it. I would immediately judge that person as someone unsympathetic to the surroundings .Yes, I know that is a little too harsh to label someone with but then, that is how I have become. And I do not really like this aspect of mine but then, I am not too sure if I dislike it either! I have become much more sensitive and judgemental in some ways than before though I find myself getting more and more liberation of mind in some other ways.

Life has been through lots of ups and downs in the last few years but I have tried very hard to not let my spirit die and maintain a positive outlook. However, it seems, every “big” experience in life, be it good or bad, has left its impact on me and has changed me in one way or the other. Sometimes, the change is very visible and sometimes, it is so subtle that I would often refuse to acknowledge it even if the signs are all there. Also, I believe, it has been a great learning experience and I am thankful for certain ways in which I think I have grown as a person from what I was few years back. However, one thing that I never wanted to lose and still strive hard to retain is the ability to enjoy life and celebrate whenever it offers a chance to do so and also to be able to continue dreaming of bigger and better future .In short, continue to live and not just drag my existence around me!

So, will I do something special to join the fun tomorrow? Yes, I think so! I may not be 100% alive but am not fully dead yet.:-))