Progress Card?

Loose ends everywhere……

One serious look around and I see loose, unsorted, unmanageable ends everywhere……

Current project at work – Total mayhem.

Other Official task list –Unfinished.

Professional enhancement(s) list – Forgotten of.

Personal tangible action list – Gone for a toss.

Personal intangible action list – Gone for a double toss.

Familial bonding list – Randomly acknowledged.

Friends list – Diminishing? Not sure.

Acquaintances list – Growing uselessly.

I-am-in-their-bad-books list – Spiraling exponentially,methinks.A new development, though.

They-are-in-my-bad-books list –So badly want to develop this one .But damn! Nobody ever makes it till here.

Hobbies/Interests list – Ever so subtly, one is reminded of these.

Like/Dislike list –Mostly being controlled by extraneous factors.

Lifeskills/Zenhood list –Someone Up There does not want this one to be exhausted ever!!The bar keeps on being raised.

Wonder if this is how it is for most around me? More often than not, people do come across as cribbing on one or the other of these unmanageable, unsorted, loose ends..But all of them at one time? Sounds like trouble brewing in the background!

Growing up …in a small town…

You know you live in a small town. You know there exists a big world outside your small town and the temptations of the bigger fancier city tug incessantly at your innocent mind .You are keen to make it to that world and you try all in your might to reach there.

 But as you go about life, you do live up in a big,big way and make the best of your years in your pretty little haven.

And here are some trifle but memorable joys or bumps that unfurl as you grow up and that shape up your personality in a way nothing else can ....

1. You have ten uncles and twenty aunts staying in the neighborhood  You can park yourself in one in every twenty houses in the city, if need be. Flip side, you can never keep a secret from anyone, no matter how innovatively you try to. One of those uncles or aunts or “not-so-friendly” cousins / neighborhood urchins is bound to tell on you.

What this does to you in long term is make you more accountable and responsible , if only for fear of being caught !

2. If somebody asks you for directions to a place, you give it by the names of them famous people the whole town knows and put all the maps and GPSes to shame. For example, you say “Go a little ahead and the house next to XYZ’s house is what you are looking for “and not “Take first left and second right and you will reach your destination.“

You learn to be handy and helpful to others and have and provide alternatives in life for everything, if you miss the main bus!

3. You and your elder siblings go to the same school/college? Have fun, baby .You get hauled up every time you do not win the sports trophy like your sister does and also, every time your brother cooks up an interesting science project. It’s a totally different and unnoticeable thing that you excel in your academics and your co-curricular activities…you share common teachers and comparisons abound .

While it does seem to harm your childish self esteem, what it really does is prepare you to stand on your own amongst the crowd and create your own mark.

4. You like your brother’s friend. Kill -Joy! Your brother likes your friend’s sister!! Be nice to your brother if you want to live your life. In essence, let him live his life and he will not make yours hell-

Sibling bonding is a great thing –you realise later in life. 

5. Want to throw your parents a surprise party on their wedding anniversary? Need money from the savings account that you wrangled for yourself after cajoling and convincing your parents that you do not plan to elope with your existent or non-existent boyfriend using all that money? Well, think again .News travels faster than lightning in these parts and your dad gets a phone call from the bank manager even before you land your feet in the house!

Well, your parents always had a point in trying to discipline you , keep you under check and you later learn they were mostly right.

6. Driving around is easy.DL is not an issue. You can achieve so much more with that mobility in a day than you could in a week in a big city – early morning tuitions, afternoon college, late afternoon computer classes, evening out with friends, late night coffee in a lassi shop( What? small cities do not have coffee shops!!), a movie or bit of shopping in between and a lot of errands that you would have run for your mom ,spanning the entire length and breadth of the city - all in a day’s time .

What is it that big city morons keep complaining about “Parking woes “and “Traffic jams”? They happen on Jupiter, not on Mother Earth!

You realise that life is fast when you think fast and act fast .There is so much you can accomplish if you only let your body and mind be mobile and active. You also learn that the more you do , the more you miraculously get time and energy to do!

7. Oversped? Skipped the red light? So what? Your dad or your friend’s dad or atleast someone’s dad is a friend of the DC. If not DC, then atleast the SP .If not SP, then atleast the traffic police uncle?Ok, not really needed as you can easily wriggle your way out by pleading with the constable bhaiya to pardon you this time as you are just a wimpy kid with no pocket money to pay challans or fill in their pockets. You will behave well next time, you swear by God and by your dad’s influence!

On similar lines…missed the college admission deadline? Need some rules to be tweaked to accommodate your preferences? Well, it’s not always easy but then what use is that neighbourhood college principal for if not help you get a back door entry or a preferential treatment!

Above definitely make you thank your stars for your resources and also teach you how to create

your support system once you are out on your own.Resourcefulness is a lifeskill and you realise it early enough in life.

8. Your cousins from that big city nearby wear the trendiest of the clothes .You and your friends feel they dress quite funnily for your taste. The truth is that you are actually struggling to find decent styles for yourself in your small town fish-market.

But what are you, if not creative? Your cousins envy you because you paint your own Ts, tear your own denims and design your own dresses! Your small town does not offer the brands but who says you cannot buy label stickers and flash them on your own brand of clothes!

Again, you learn to innovate and create things efficiently and economically ( within the budgets of your pocket money!).You stay in vogue despite the odds and this shows for your resilience and determination!

9. A friend’s birthday and the gang wants to celebrate, sing, dance and hog on food. But your Neanderthal town’s cultural scene does not offer any discs and pubs. You either do not party – which is not your choice-Or you create your own party place – which is what you do. Fused lights & bulbs, assembled music systems, someone’s terrace, someone’s mom’s delicious cooking – all yours to jam with. Party the night on someone’s rooftop, as some silly singer said!

You are grown up and you think you can buy yourself some adult stuff (read: liquor and cigarettes) for the party above? Well, no luck there. You may be old enough but none of the store owners believe so .Even if they did, they would still tell your folks at home. So you happily stick to the fizzy colas and the finger foods!

Friends are for life and you retain the ones who were partners in crime when you started out in life! You also learn that you can go as far as you allow yourself to and that there is no such thing called as lack of resources!

  

10. Done with the partying and fooling around, if you do get serious about life and decide to make something of it, your small town does not really offer you much exposure or opportunity to realise your dreams. You think you know it all but then you stumble upon things once in a while that make you realise there is much more to the world than meets your eye. You either make peace with what is on offer and easily available or you stick to your deep rooted desires, kindle the fire and prepare yourself to go out and tackle the world stage.

Because you know you have limited opportunities and a lot at stake ( like your parents’ money and their faith), you develop a kind of seriousness of purpose and a spirit of competitiveness that arises only out of that undying desire to succeed against all odds and that helps you move forward and achieve your dreams and not rest until you have done that.

In nutshell, you learn to dream, to struggle, to achieve, to prove, to resist, to create, to innovate, to fight and last but not the least, to let the fire burn.And what you learn in this process of growing up is what stays with you throughout your life.

Help yourself …Make life easy!

Read this on a blog somewhere and cannot help but marvel at the powerful and wonderfully comforting message conveyed by these words.

We spend a lot of our time and effort in building relationships and harbouring expectations and invest equally, if not more, in bearing grudges and the weight of expectations gone wrong. While the former is a source of joy and essence of our existence, the latter sucks the life force out and makes one go through life as if it were a hellhole. However, considering what it takes to build one, it would only be commensurate to say that when a bond of love or friendship goes wrong, one goes through a plethora of emotions ranging from anger to denial to sadness and finally acceptance. And if there is one emotion that stays strongly and firmly put in mind and heart all through these phases, it is the desire to get an apology from the one who seems to have wronged you. An apology which is sincere…an apology which gives one the conviction of being right…an apology which acknowledges the hurt or the wrongdoing..and last but not the least, an apology which creates way for the hearts to be healed and bonds to be restored.

However, isn’t a sincere apology scarcest of the commodities on this earth? Not only does it require one to introspect and acknowledge that they are probably responsible for hurting someone, it also forces one to keep ego and false notions of self aside and humble down to a level where actions and words convey the sense of responsibility and need for forgiveness that one may be feeling,in a language that is understandable by the recipient.

 No wonder then, to apologise is one of the hardest things to do. But if there is anything that comes closer, it’s the ability to forgive and forget. A wronged and bruised soul finds it much easier to nurse the hurt, let it grow, wallow in anger and self pity and let the grudge settle permanently. Many times we lose out on all that someone has to offer us just because we are not able to let go of that one grudge, that one mistake that broke the trust and scathed the heart. The feeling of being wronged or victimized is so overwhelming that it impedes the process of rational thinking , comes in the way of acceptance of a person for what he or she is and not for what we want or expect  and prevents us from moving on and not letting the bad things outweigh the good ones. More often than not, it even leads to more destructive feelings of revenge and retribution as the only ways of nursing the anger and the pain broiling in the aftermath of a bad hand dealt by someone who mattered a lot at one time.

Because we lose so much when we choose to live with our grudges, an ability to forgive and forget is not something that we gift to others. It is, in fact, liberation of our own soul and a way of setting ourselves free from all that prevents us from being at peace. To forgive is always easy if there is an attempt by the perpetrator to assuage the hurt as it acts as a balm on the suffering and helps to boost one’s conviction of being wronged and therefore, deserving of another’s acknowledgement and repentance.Forgetting, however, is an altogether different thing and may or may not come by!

But considering that we stand to gain so much if we just decide to forgive and forget, why do we even need an apology to forgive? Does the fact that someone confess they hurt us really hasten up the process of forgiveness? Isn’t Forgiveness is a choice? A conscious decision..an action of our own will? To save ourselves from the bitterness of anger...to give ourselves the freedom from hurt..to let go and move on…a victory of positive over negative.. to cherish what could be than what prevents it …to create happy and peaceful  human bonds for ourselves …and last but not the least, to choose to live the way we want and not the way situations and other people force us into. This transition from expectations of an apology to a state where it no longer matters and where the heart is able to heal itself ,may not be easy to come by. However, once achieved, does it not seem to be the easiest way to live our lives through the maze of human relations, delicate expectations and myriad complex situations?Why then are we so loathe to take this path? Why there is always a lingering hope that one day someone would acknowledge and come back and tell us how they regret things went wrong?Should we not just learn to rationalise with our own heart and mind and create a wall which lets no one hurt us in a way that we keep looking for a balm?

I don't know how much sense it makes to the world in general but to me,it does feel like one of the best gift we can give to ourselves if we just learn to let go..to rid ourselves of the weight of this big expectation of an apology ...and to accept an apology even when there is none!

The piteous case of Mr.Dodo and Mr. Angrez.

This morning, after parking my car in the basement parking, I was waiting for the lift to come and there were two young men standing next to me- an Indian and a foreigner. For convenience sake, let’s call them “The Dodo “and “The Angrez” respectively. So, Mr. Dodo and Mr. Angrez were busy in their conversation and I was busy in the usual shenanigans one indulges in while waiting for the lift …pacing the floor, checking the phone, cursing the lift, staring back at the guard who always seems to be staring at you...and the likes.

Then suddenly, the lift decided to make an appearance .The Dodo was closest to the lift doors but seems he had no recognition of the fact. He kept standing there and blabbering his heart out to the Angrez who, if I put it lightly, seemed to be love smitten by the “gyaan” that was being shared by the other guy. It took me a while to grasp but grasp I did...The two were showing no signs of getting into the lift and so, I realized I need to act fast or miss the bus. Hence, I moved myself ahead of the two with an expertise that can only be paralleled by those fast-as-lightning kung fu pandas!

The moment I entered the lift, I saw the Dodo and the Angrez regain their senses and probably the reality that they were there to take the lift, dawned on them. The two made a hasty entry into the lift just before the doors were about to close and crush at least one of them to a squishy pulp. I believe the duo thought I was to be blamed for this little dent in their morning bliss. The Dodo gave me a stare that seemed to accuse me the same way as probably Rama would have accused Sita in Ramayana and caused her to pray for the ground beneath to split open and take her in …. Only, in this case, he was met with an equally accusing and nasty stare …… I guess something his little brain was not expecting! The Angrez was busy staring into his cup of coffee and probably wishing he drowns in that at that very moment.

Anyways, stares over, the Dodo got back to his gyaan. I was not really interested in listening to whatever he was saying but then when the decibel levels are loud enough for the entire universe to hear, who am I to ignore?

Seems our dude was telling the Angrez about how our PM and FM are the only two educated ministers who have got……in his own words …..”degrees in like you know economics and commerce “…and how the rest are just an illiterate bunch and that is why they are not able to understand the policies that the PM and the FM make and hence, the poor execution! And all this is obviously the reason why our country has never had a past, is struggling in its present and obviously, has no future!

All this while, the other hapless fellow was just nodding and probably wondering at how he happened to land in this country of illiterate politicians and highly enlightened and opinionated citizens!

Really, Mr. Dodo, you bowled me over with your judgement and your pronouncements on the present predicament and future of our country. Nobody would deny that you were probably right in some measure …that majority of our politicians really are an unruly, uncouth bunch who are in a very big way, responsible for a lot of wrong in our country….but to say that what you view and how you view is what the stark reality of this country is …… How presumptuous and illiterate are you in that case?

**God bless me on a morning which starts with encountering morons of first order just as I enter office! **

Random thoughts…Manic Monday … Temple Blues…

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it were Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday  !

Lovely song by Bangles. And how truly this particular bit from the song reflects the state of my mind on a Monday morning. At the same time, how easily listening to this peppy number on the way to office lifted my mood straight from a blue-y state to a gleeful pink-y (?!) state, at least for today.

I am one of those lucky ones who have been spared the pandemonium that ensues in the early morning rush to office as I have a cool boss (once in a while, I can say that!) who does not really give me stares for turning into office at my own time! Add to that, the luxury of being able to drive myself and not catch a cab or a train/bus to work and I have a fairly relaxed routine at home even on a weekday morning. And so used am I to this that any deviation is set to turn on my zodiacal crabby self…. And a Monday morning does exactly that.

Monday is my fasting and temple day and I really look forward to the serenity and the sense of discipline it brings in my life. The harmonious clanging of temple bells, the ritual of puja, the offering of prayers, and the control over food cravings…I thoroughly enjoy it all and it gives me the much needed celestial faith to survive in this world. However, the bit about leaving home a little early and making a stop en route office leaves me a little hassled. Sounds shallow and inconsequential, but I guess the creatures of habit and convenience that we have become, even small changes require mammoth effort by body and soul both. It is not that I dislike doing this regularly or would wish for it to go away. On the contrary, I am trying to imbibe it in my routine on a more regular basis. But just wish that it becomes bit more convenient. I have often thought of keeping a small temple at home but then thought against it as I honestly believe I will not be able to do justice to it……..I hope someone rich in my apartment society gets bitten by the spirituality bug and turns their 2/3/4 BHK apartment into a heavenly abode!

So these temple blues and food cravings (I fast, remember!) get me into the Monday blues and I think the effect remains for the rest of the day. Though I, in no sense, deprive myself of food and nutrition in my fast, I still feel not up to the mark as I am a self confessed foodie and need my regular dosage of chocolate and coffee and snacks and cookies. How I wish God had made me a fruit-loving, green-tea drinker and I could use these awesome (not) items of food and beverages to pep me up on a Monday.But no, I instead crave for that sinful chocolate and that calorie loaded banana chocolate chip cookie that I decide to deny myself on one particular day of the week.

However, I am pretty circumstantially tenacious, if not congenitally strong willed………and hope remains. Even though it is taking every nerve of control in my body to resist the urge to get up and get myself a bar of chocolate, I think I will sail through the day without giving up. Beat the Monday blues, I say !

P:S: To God : You know how I love you and swear by your name. So, I hope this cribbing about temple blues does not reach you and if it does, it does not bother you as far as my karma points are concerned!

As life happens………… Gain some, Lose some!

Life, they say, is the biggest teacher. As one grows in life, literally and metaphorically, one accumulates a vast range of experiences and if traditional wisdom is to be believed, it is these experiences that sum up an individual’s personality and mindset at any given point in time. Good or bad, every experience or stage in life comes with lessons of its own  and these lessons or leanings are the only things that seem to have some semblance of permanence around them .Life itself is, anyways, changing face every second chance it gets !

So, as they say, we learn and mature as we grow. Now while maturity of mind/heart is not something that can be defined as easily as the maturity of a fixed period investment , there are some things which are generally acceptable as standards of mature, positive grown up behaviour …an open mind, a thoughtful approach, an unbiased attitude, an acceptance of situations / people, an ability to look back and laugh at mistakes,  an appreciation for choices- own and others’, a confidence to forge ahead, a grit to not give up, a broadening of horizons,  an increasing self awareness, a decreasing self obsession,an ownership of actions, a sense of responsibility……these are just few aspects of maturity. And needless to say, life’s failures are often much better teachers than success in propelling one onto a path of a mature and learned mind. Success, no doubt, teaches us what it takes to succeed but then, its mostly failures that act as a humbling force and push us to being more grown up and balanced (?) individuals.

However, is life’s journey all about gains? Do we lose something as we make our way through our lives? A child is blessed with an untainted heart and a blank slate of mind ( if we ignore the previous  birth stories doing the rounds !).What this means is that a child’s response to things or situations is totally based on imagination, intuition,trust , instinct and not some half cooked notions of what should be done or is appropriate or worthy of the situation. There is nary a worry in a child’s mind and there is a vast ocean of possibilities awaiting…..Endless  curiosity,careless abandonment, gullible trust, merry imagination …these are some of the endearing qualities about being an “unlearned” or “unadulterated “ child that makes them totally adorable to our adult selves !

Blessed is a child’s mind and heart as to not be bothered by sometimes nasty ,sometimes complex emotions like biases, blocks, chicanery, adultery ,shame,blame,calculated actions ,careful deliberations etc ….

…All of which a growing up child or an adolescent would knowingly or unknowingly  gain or be forced to adopt as a survival instinct in the big bad world ………..

And a grown up adult?

Well, in a quest for maturity, the adult mind loses the childlike adorability! Innocence takes a backseat…. care and caution become the key mantras! But being the complex devious creatures we are, do we give up easily?

No Sirree! The quest continues and wants to embrace both maturity and innocence! No doubt, growth enriches us and moves us away from a state of blissful ignorance to a more empowered knowledge based existence. A more advanced state of maturity even helps us become better human beings !Still, don’t think it would be an exaggeration to say that once in a while, every adult craves to throw maturity and caution to the wind and go back to a state of childlike innocence and bliss! 

As someone rightly said “People don’t really grow up. They just learn to behave in public! “

Is human life so cheap?

You wake up on a bright sunny morning and pick up the newspaper ..and you immediately regret why you even bothered.The front page is full of  headlines like…

 Wife colludes with  lover to kill husband …

Daughter in law burnt to death over dowry…

20 killed in family feud over property …

Depressed man kills wife , 2 children before setting himself to fire….

….  or some such highly disheartening piece of news describing  a frivolous sounding murder or a suicide !Really ,what’s wrong with our world?Was human life not supposed to be precious?Were we not always told that one has to be really lucky to be born as a human being and not some ant or a rat or a bat!How then has it become so popular to take or give up life ?

Makes me wonder what forces one to a level of desperation or lack of control over mind and body that one indulges in a heinous crime as taking someone else’s or one’s own life.We owe our existence in this world to those who brought us in ..we form precious bonds and relationships over the years as we grow…our lives get intertwined with so many others around us ..and yet,a moment of blinding rage or desperation and we put all of that at stake?I am sure the murderer or the planning-to-be-dead suicide plotter are all normal people like us ,barring a few cases of psychological /mental illness .What is the form of suffering that then causes them to take such an extreme step as this?

We all suffer in our lives in one way  or the other and no doubt, sometimes, it indeed becomes a handful.Many times we feel zero control over life and do not know how to carry on further .Desperation sets in and the seed of ending it all starts sprouting .But to actually go ahead and do it ..would one call it a solution? May be it is for the dead or the vengeful who killed but who knows!On the other hand, is this not an act of total immorality,irresponsibility and stupidity?

And then there are more instances like …

A young college student commits suicide as she could not take rejection from her boyfriend..

A school student consumes poison and kills himself as he could not score good …

A son kills his father as he did not like the disciplinarian in him …..

and most recently read …

A man kills himself as he felt inflation is sucking his blood !

Really?Was that the end of life? No more hope left? No other way out?Another boyfriend, another year to score better , acceptance of parental fate ( after all, you do not get to choose them! ),improving economy,better income…...surely, there are things happening all the time to provide alternatives… difficult yes, it may be to see that light at the end of the tunnel but to think that it does not exist? To think that you do not have it in you to make it anyhow?Not for anyone’s sake in this world? Strange and beyond me is what I would say..And hope, I never ever get any bit closer in the other direction !

Though ,who is to blame here ? The one who fought against his or her suffering , could not cope up for whatever reasons, gave up , tried again , still could not cope up and then one fine day, decided to end it all? Or , the circumstances that led to it all ? Or the people around who are often found loading others with a burden of expectations that seem too big to be carried on living shoulders? Or the society at large which may not be doing enough to ensure people that they will be fine … that there are options other than killing or dying ..that they will survive if they just give themselves the gift of life and not take it away!

Difficult questions..am sure someone else knows the best ..but I sure think this is not the way.As a living ,thriving ,fighting and flourishing breed ,we are expensive and we do not leave the world just like that !