Recession in my mind!
The whole wide world has been talking of a recession for as long as I remember. Inevitable as it is, my mind has also caught the bug and of late, I am getting a feeling that it is receding back to a stage from where there seems to be no coming forward.
When I say recession in my mind, I do not want to say that it is growing backwards in any sense and I am turning into a conservative, old fashioned personality. I am turning quite contrary to that, even if I say so myself.
What is actually happening is that the way life has been unfolding itself and the way I have been killing time over the last few years, I feel my mind is so resigned to it that it has lost any capability to think of and plan for a future. Any sane minded and progressive thinking person usually has a couple of dreams that he or she wants to be fulfilled in the near or far future, a couple of aspirations to be achieved and a lot of goals for the life ahead. For example, some think of getting married and settled, some crave for kids and yet some, long for a flourishing career. My mind, on the other hand, refuses to collaborate with my heart and do any forward thinking. As a result, I have no dreams at present, no plans imminent or otherwise and not even any long term goals. There is nothing that I can say with absolute certainty, which I crave for or want to work hard to achieve. There are not even short term goals like a career progression or an investment option that my mind can think of.
I term this recessionary because it was not always like this. There was a time when I would think ahead of time and my mind would calculate ways of growing my life further. I, like all others around me, would have a laundry list ready before each and every stage in life. So, when I was a young kid, I dreamt of excelling in academics. When I grew up, I wanted to get myself a professional qualification and join the corporate world. All was fine till then and I achieved what I set out for, though not quite the same way as I imagined myself to but no major gripe there! However, then I dreamt of the next so-called logical progression to a happy married life and that was probably the last time till now , that I asked for something with all my might and determination.My dreams gone totally awry from there, I have started living life on a spur of the moment basis. I plan for nothing and usually let things take their own course and any disappointment usually lasts for a day or two and not beyond because probably, I am not really thinking of getting anything so there is less unhappiness when I find things not happening my way. That is not to say that I have achieved a Zen state in life where I no longer ask for or crib about anything but yes, when I don’t get what I asked for or cried after, I do not sulk and mope around beyond a day or two as my mind has conditioned itself to think that I am not supposed to dream of or plan for things as all plans fall flat before a bigger power’s plan for our lives. So, I should better be content with and learn to appreciate what I get on its own in the course of life. Spontaneity seems to be my new mantra in life!
They say economic recession is a cyclical process and every such period is followed by another period of growth and progress where optimism and desire to grow sweeps the economy. I hope such is the case for the recession in my mind and thought process as well. Again, I am not asking for it as I believe it may or may not come true but I am just hoping that someday some luck /serendipity would fall on me and transform my thought process and make my mind a normal forward thinking one that would listen to my heart’s desires and guide me to an action plan .n life!
